Society’s understanding of love is mostly limited two two contexts: a noun and a verb; and most of the time people think you either have it or you don’t, you’re in love or you’re not. In reality, love is not a thing or an action; it is simply a fact of the universe, abundant and available to us at all times.
Contrary to popular belief, it is never the case that love is sometimes unavailable.
Many of us have experienced varying degrees of disappointment and pain around the traditional perspective and expectation of love. This may have begun in childhood if we didn’t get ideal attention from our parents. As a result, mistaken beliefs about not being valuable or lovable or cared for settle into our belief system and we carry those opinions (mistakenly) with us throughout our lives. These mistaken beliefs about whether or now we’re lovable build our false self – the mask that we show the world to hide the parts of ourselves that we don’t like or are embarrassed about. We may avoid sharing the truths of who we are, if we don’t expect our world to be loving. We are products of childhood formation, and it is our responsibility to transform ourselves as adults. In the spirit of living with the notion that love is the essence of life, you may be interested to learn that love does not have to be earned! It is an abundant and available resource to all of us, all of the time through what Dr. Judith Wright has coined the four loving truths.
The Four Loving Truths
The first of the loving truths is that “you are loved… You may not feel it, know it, or even believe it, but the truth remains that you are loved.” Even if you don’t believe it, it is helpful to act like it is true because then you can create a self-fulfilling prophecy of actually being loved. When you act like you deserve to be loved, people will respond to you in that way. The second of the loving truths is that “love and peace are the legacy of pain… As you open your heart to feel your pain, you open yourself to receive love and peace.” Feeling and honoring the pain allows us to experience joy and peace more fully. By “resisting pain, we create a condition of suffering rather than a deep healing experience of our true pain.” Consider the pain as a gift to your growth as you commit to a journey of reaching your full potential. The third of the loving truths is that your “feelings are divine and to be honored.”
Our feelings are guideposts that tell us what to do… if we listen to them.
Anger can tell you that something needs to change, fear can steer you away from danger, hurt can tell you to take care of yourself. “Our expression then leads us to new territory where we become something that we weren’t before. This process keeps us from being stagnant, from repeating the same thoughts and reactions. It is how we grow.” The fourth of the loving truths is that “gifts have been given to you to develop and use in the divine symphony of life… Each of us is blessed with unique gifts, and every single one of these is valuable.” Once you accept that you have gifts, recognize the gifts and share them. As you do, you will begin to see the gifts in others and the gifts and love that the world abundantly provides.
The four loving truths are a scaffolding from which to make choices and decisions, and are a tool to use to develop healthy and fulfilling relationships.
And as I’ve been shifting my point of view to include myself as loved in a loving world, so have my relationships been changing. My husband is more engaged in making our marriage healthy and fulfilling, and I have found myself re-dedicated to my purpose: to live abundantly with aliveness, sharing my truths. ____________________________________________  Wright, Judith. The Soft Addiction Solution: Break Free of the Seemingly Harmless Habits That Keep You from the Life You Want. New York: J.P. Tarcher/Penguin, 2006. P 190.  Ibid. P 192-3.  Ibid. P 194.  Ibid. P 195.  Ibid.
Shawn Edwards is a master’s student with the Wright Graduate University for the Realization of Human Potential. She has recently accepted a position as Head of School for the LePorte School Solana Beach in San Diego, CA, a Montessori school, and has served as a consultant to various schools and organizations across the country. She plans to pursue her doctorate in transformational leadership and coaching with the Wright Graduate University upon completion of her master’s degree.